I downloaded this app, Shazam, to my supercool iPhone. You might have heard of it, it identifies songs just by “listening” to them. Seemed like a dumb novelty for lame ass peeps who can’t figure out if the song they’re listening to is by Hinder or Nickleback, but the reality was much different.

It can’t identify songs by humming or whistling them, but it does a really impressive…scarily impressive job of identifying songs on my iPod while I drive. Because I’m the safest driver in the world, I decided that my car on the way to work and back would be the best time/place to f with this app. I tried throwing it a few curve balls with some obscure local indie music and some other unsigned other bands, but then I felt like I was cheating…here’s how it went:

Bands Shazam Could Identify:

Allister

Okkervil River

Alive in Wild Paint

Dragonforce

Songs in Girltalk, but not Girltalk songs as Girltalk songs….still, kind of impressive

Anthallo

Between the Buried and Me

Boards of Canada

Caribou

Bands Shazam Could Not Identify:

Feable Weiner

Ethan Durelle

Tim Brewer

The Dino-3

Umbrellas

Wesley Willis

Faded Paper Figures

Colour Revolt

The Chariot

Days Away

The Appleseed Cast

…I was thouroughly entertained by this application, as you can tell. My friend and I speculated about how it could work, but after throwing stupid ideas around, I came to the most logical conclusion -

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…Satan is inside of this thing*. The Lord of Darkness lives in my iPhone and tries to tempt me to the dark side with his mystical, song-identifying abilities.

Bad. Ass.

Time for some homework and Tarantino flicks.

peace bitches.

- T

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* Note - this is just an artist’s rendering, Satan probably looks a lot more like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qa4siqvLRQc

…dang man. Olbermann’s spittin the truth today.

Dudes, Im tired. Not much to say. School and work are killing me. Of course, I mean that figuratively, I’m not actually dying. Unless I have some undiagnosed form of cancer which makes your wiener huge.

Take it easy guys,

- T

   -  “Letter to a Christian Nation” is an incredible book. I really like Sam Harris’s writing style, very to the point with no fluff. I finished “God is Not Great” last week, loved it, but Christopher Hitchens tends to ramble a bit and be unnecessarily petty at times. Still, his British wit is charming.

Anyway, this quote from “Letter to a Christian Nation” struck me:

“Atheism is not a philosophy; it is not even a view of the world;  it is simply an admission of the obvious. In fact, “atheism” is a term that should not even exist. No one ever needs to identify themselves as a “non-astrologer” or a “non-alchemist”. We do not have words to describe people who doubt that Elvis is still alive or that aliens have traversed the galaxy only to molest ranchers and their cattle. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs.”

- This stuff is good.

Nappers.

- T-Rex

    I imagine the most amazing thing is dying. Or rather, the moment right before you die. The moment you realize that, for sure, you’re not longer going to live - that your life is at an end. Must be exhilerating. Scary. Perhaps.

I thought I was going to die once. Er…twice. Once when Jim actually got with Pam after ditching Karen, and when I was a kid and I almost ran out of breath trying to touch the bottom of the pool. In both of those instances I really feared I wouldn’t be able to live anymore, that my existance had come to an end. It was a mix of relieving and terrifying. But I guess unless you’re 90 years old with 70 grandchildren, a dead spouse and a lifetime of achievement behind you, there’s always something more you wish you could do.

I wonder if I’ll actually do all of the things I dream about. Going to awesome places, immersing myself in other cultures, teaching, writing a book, one day having a wife that appreciates me, with reciprocal appreciation, having a few bad-ass kids with awesome names, fighting a robot army, leading a rebellion against a government and getting my face plastered on t-shirts to be worn ironically decades later by people in their early twenties with no actual knowledge of world history.

I’m not asking for much.

Enough blogging, I start tomorrow.

Seeya,

T

tim brewer!

your Wu-Name is

Pre-Raphaelite Shaolin

Use it wisely, soldier.

….wicked. But that’s only if I ever get on a Wu-Tang album. My new official MC name is  “Sneezy Newport”. Expect my new single, “Nose Candy” to be dropping soon.

oh haha, white guys, acting gangster. Yeah well, sometimes I have to dust jokes off when I pull them from the back of the funny-closet. Anyway, I’ve been obsessed with this Wu-Tang Clan name generator today: http://www.recordstore.com/wuname/wuname.pl

There seems to be some sort of pattern, because both my mom’s and Erick’s girlfriend’s Wu-Tang names are ” Big Gay Mule”, but only if you use my mom’s current last name, not her maiden name. However, using a different girl’s last name, the generator gave, “Eight-Legged DJ” - which might be the coolest Wu-Tang name ever, ever, ever. Weird…if I change my first name to Timothy instead of just “Tim”, my Wu-Tang name is, “The Inscrutable Drama Queen”. Which is fucking bad ass. Another anomaly, the dean of my school, Gary Cook’s Wu-Tang name is also Pre-Raphealite Shaolin. We must both be super cool.

Still, not nearly as cool as Sneezy Newport, mind you.

Dammit. Not even noon.

Share your Wu-Tang name in the comments section!

out

- T

   I’m watching Deliverance. It’s about the fifth time I’ve seen it. I have no idea why I like this movie so much; its not the anal-rape scene, I promise. If I really wanted to witness some butt-rape, I would just open up all of my student loan bills that have been piling up.

But I digress.

Man, this retarded kid with the banjo really freaks me out.  I wish I were some sort of idiot savant that had magical, musical talents. I’m willing to bet some people consider me so.

Speaking of, I’ve become rather bad ASS at harmonica lately. Well, by my standards anyway. I downloaded these iTunes tutorials which were really helpful in teaching me how to play single holes and blues scales. Jamming with the harmonica is definitely my new favorite past time.  I just feel so awesome and accomplished.

Speaking of accomplishment, I beat the game Dead Space on X-Box 360 today. Fuck yeah I did. Twas not easy, even though it was on easy mode.  The game kicks ass, but becomes super monotonous after about an hour. I guess not every game can be Mario Kart.

Dammit, this movie is progressing, and I just know Burt Reynolds and crew are about to get jacked by these hillbillies…aaaaaah, its like a train wreck.

Enough with this stream of consciousness - on with it, to business. I realized lately that going to Japan is probably not going to happen. I was super-duper bummed about it, but I’m getting over it. I guess that’s what I get for banking on it so much and putting my eggs in one basket. Reason I don’t think it’s going to happen being I had some trouble recently with a high school arrest coming to haunt me while trying to rent a new apartment. I thought all that stuff was over and done since I was a minor at the time, but I suppose not. Get arrested one damn time in America and you are fucked for life. It’s ridiculous. Therefore, it makes sense I haven’t received a letter of confirmation from JET after about a month. They definitely do background checks.

Oh well, my penance for a foolish decision. Timothy Brewer lives on.

I’m looking forward to next semester, I’ll be all graduated,  I’ll be working, making money, partying, hanging out, more than likely buying tons of dumb shit. Honestly, the stress and pressure of this semester is killing me, I can’t wait for it to be over. When this is over I’ll feel infinitely more accomplished and grown up. It will be nice, a true golden age.

Shit, Burt, watch yourself in those woods. Shouldnt have f’d with those dudes you asked to drive your cars back.

Burt’s buddy gets butt-raped, and I…I don’t go to Japan.

penance.

Peace dudes,

T-Rex

    I’m really proud of America today.

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I’m really proud to be an American as well. Watching Obama’s victory speech last night was amazing. I’ve never felt so strongly that I was watching history being made in front of my eyes until then. Extremely moving.

Now. Onto life.

- T-Rex

Hi 5 readers! Enjoy this videos, I know I did! :

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/16e4ead1dc/under-the-bridge-literal-video-version-from-dustfilms

http://www.viddler.com/explore/Docfuture/videos/28/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aktLRiWXfqg (this one is just a gem, I think it might be the new Chocolate Rain)

…yeah, I’m like the Carlos Mencia of blogging. Except millions of less people know I exist.  In other news, I voted Friday, much to the chagrin of my parents I’m sure, I opted for the mixed-race gentleman (you know which one I’m talking about…wants madatory abortion, sharia law, socialist, yadda yadda). I also learned that the term “mulatto” is considered a racial slur. I had no idea, boy do I feel like a dick.

I guess the lesson here is that if you do vote for Obama (damn, I just gave it away), refer to him as the African American, unless you want an awkward stare from people outside the courthouse.

In a related story,  I ate a Milk Dud and my crown came off my tooth. It hurt like a ma-fucka. Now that I think about it…these stories aren’t related at all. But I like saying “in a related story”.

In a related story,  I’m out.

T-Boz

   I voted today. For the first time ever. It felt awesome, like I had some kind of power I was using; like I was a god.

I wrote myself in on the ballot.

I hope you will too.

For America.

For hope.

T- Prez

Buy these albums:

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- I’m in love. I’m addicted to music. Buying about ten new albums a week. This is how a meth-addict must feel, if meth didn’t make you lose your teeth.

alright dudes,

class time.

yeah,

still in school.

Ugh.

- T-Rex