Things were going normal this morning, a little cereal, a little getting up from my bed for guitar hero, a little heading back to my bed for more sleep…the usual. Then this happened:

Yes. That’s correct…I shat BLUE. Given, this is just an  artist’s rendering. I couldn’t muster the courage to actually take a picture of it. (although, if you’re interested, a google image search of “blue shit” will give you a much more lifelike portrayal) After shaking my head in my hands while on the can for a good ten minutes, wondering what’s becoming of me and where my life is headed, I finally remembered that this happened all the time when I was a kid.

The culprit? -

- this delicious, fecal-matter-dying treat. I can’t believe I forgot how this works. I used to have an understanding of Slurpee colors and the resulting bm color down to a science when I was younger. Let me break it down for you, it’s simple:

- I hope this clears things up. As you can tell, I’m not a fan of orange or red-ish Slurpees. I just don’t like how they force themselves upon you, the flavor of an orange or red-ish Slurpee is usually incongruous with the color, and that just frustrates me. A red Slurpee that tastes somehow like Spiderman…that doesn’t even make sense. Spiderman doesn’t have a flavor. You can go F yourselves.

- homework time.

-T-Rex

   If not Japan, then Iceland. Iceland.

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In an unrelated story, Mad TV is not funny. It is very unfunny. For some reason I’ve been watching it for an hour, and I haven’t laughed once. Sometimes, you just need to throw in the towel.

Watching this show reminds me of a redneck kid I had in one of my classes who would go on these running, uninspired, unoriginal joke sprees that people only chuckled at because he was so loud and obnoxious, not to mention violent, that it was just easier that way. Putting someone in a headlock and singing, “She thinks my tractor’s sexy” off key is nobody’s idea of comedy. Plus, these antics did little to hide his frustration with a pitiful home life and standard of living. Nobody liked that kid.

Admit it, Mad TV, you live in a trailer and it frustrates you that cheerleaders don’t date you because you’re poor and have terrible hygiene habits.

On a different note, I recently discovered raptureletters.com …oh man - check out what I did:

e following has been added to the database: Thank you for your Letter Request.

Your Name: Don King
Recipients Name: andrew
Recipients Email: johnsona@mail.dbu.edu

- I really wanted my roommate to know that Jesus is the way after I get sucked up to heaven. I’m guessing this will probably happen in about 5 years. I’ll be playing ping pong with Pat Robertson, while everyone else is getting the Mark of the Beast tattood on them.

… In closing, I was please to see today that my mad Rock Band skills are beginning to bring in sweet honeys on the net that want my bod. Today I received this comment on youtube:

venusvarma has made a comment on The Happy Births play Rock Band.

I`M SOO HOT AND SEXY***I`M ALWAYS IN THE PLAYFUL MOOD***MY BODY ASK YOU TO COME AND KISS ME!! Don’t be afraid to tell me the naughty things you want me to do for you. I want to please you during you show as much as possible baby join me at _ Play-Cam(.COM) _ my user-id there is Nicole-bsws chat soon on cam ktkdpiizt

  - whew. Don’t be jealous, dudes. Put your own Rock Band videos up, then you can reap the benefits as I have.

Time for homework, or Rock Band…whichever comes first.

- peace dudes.

- T-Rex

   After having timbrewer.biz for almost two years,  ideas run dry sometimes. I have lots of cool ideas, most of them aren’t feasible when considering my dude-on-the-run lifestyle. Interviews, pictures, funny videos, all of these things sound great in theory, but take considerably more time and effort than I actually have. This is why you usually get rehashed, insensitive facetious jokes on the Biz instead.

All that said, it has become apparent lately that I’m at some sort of point in my life in which I’ve begun to think hard about what aspects of my life are time-wasting, or don’t produce enough benefits for me. My computer steals a majority of my time - reading Digg, digging articles, writing on the biz, checking facebook like an obsessive compulsive. But I have to give myself credit, besides all of these time wasting facets of my 23 year-old life, I have maintained a 3.5 GPA, made a considerable income, and still managed to get into the gym at least 3 times a week.

I’ve come to realize that part of being a grown up is letting yourself bitch, then looking back on your bitching, and seeing what a little bitch you were. Sounds bitch-tastic, I know, but letting things out and seeing how ridiculous you can be, while at the same time realizing how good you have it and how far you’ve come is important. This is why I like writing so much - it lets you really examine you thoughts, feelings and so forth. This is why I started the Biz in the first place.

However,  I’ve realized lately that to a large degree, I started the Biz because I wanted some sort of breakthrough in my life. I thought I wrote with enough wit and humor to get noticed, not to mention paid. Sadly, and obviously, that hasn’t happened yet. I watch comedians on tv, and think of all the jokes I make on a daily basis that I think are way more funny; I read other’s blogs and wonder how they ever got so popular churning out such mundane material. But then again, I’m full of myself.

So what’s the point of all of this rambling? Am I saying that I, the downtrodden, un-appreciated Jew deserve something that life has spared me of? Not really. I’m just bitchin’.

- Life is good, party on.

T

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Post Script: I bought this wallet:

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- I totally forgot until it came in the mail. Praise Allah.

   I am highly considering getting this tattood on my body:

…or maybe just the T-Rex with the laser gear. Because I love Dino Riders.

Someone stop me. Or encourage me.

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I have had several beers.

. t

   I’m going to a baseball game today!

…awesome. It will probably look a lot like this. I’m looking forward to a day off, doing nothing, spitting seeds, and yelling nonsensical  insults at the top of my lungs. In other news, my morning digg rounds found me this gem: http://youtube.com/watch?v=jmjMcwHnFSE  - wow, why didn’t I think of this?

haha, oh yeah, Atheism and stuff. These people remind me of when I was 8 and I told God I would die on the cross like Jesus did for a Super Nintendo. Well…I got that Super Nintendo, and I didn’t even get crucified. I know how to work the system. I hope these people get some lower gas prices, they’re to need them if they keep up that artery-choking body weight.

Oh man, I’m almost out folks, but watching the news right now, I am disgusted with America. Fox News…these people are predictably ridiculous. They were just running a story on a vaccine that’s supposed to protect young girls from sexually transmitted diseases, but is being recalled by the FDA - being feared unsafe because of complications and pain it caused. The anchor just said, “this vaccine might be alright for third world countries, but not the U.S.”… because, you know, people in third world countries deserve dirty vaccines to shoot into their bodies. Who do they think they are? Being all poor…having a shitty economy…the nerve.

I want to kill everyone who works for Fox News. WAIT. No I don’t, they’re running an extensive story on Angelina’s new twins now. Whew, they’re reputation is saved.

- I’m out dude

peaces.

T

    One of my best friends, Mike, just drove off for California. Just now. Like, ten minutes ago, he got in his car and drove off to move to California forever. Mike, (www.mikemaitlen.com)  has been one of my dearest friends for quite some time, in fact, I met the dude one of my first days in Dallas through a conversation over our love for pop-punk. This is a bit of a sad day.

Not so much a “goodbye”…but a “seeya later”. Right? Right.

Mike, love ya man.

Best of luck.

-  T

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   Whatever.

Ya know?

-  T-Rex

- It’s Independence day. Which means jack shit to me except watching fireworks with my family. Hooray.

What a grand day to be an American. All of those “third world” countries that think they’re better than us with their unclean drinking water and their poor economies can kiss our collective red, white and blue asses today. We’ve got a lot to be proud of - Miley Cyrus, the paparazzi, military bases all over the world, reality television.

God bless America.

Happy fourth everybody,

- T-Rex

(editors note: not a T-Rex, but kiss my ass. Scientists are liars anyway, this could very well be what a T-Rex looked like)

The new Three 6 Mafia album is…ok. Nothing compares to “When the Smoke Clears”, and perhaps I’m a bit biased because that album holds such an endearing place in my heart, beckoning back memories of riding in my brother’s mustang, smoking Newports and thinking I could pull off trying to be black. In any event, it is entirely over-produced and radio-friendly. Akon….ewwwwww. Still, I feel like a thug listening to them no matter what, and that’s what makes Three 6 so appealing.

Dammit, iTunes.  They don’t sell When the Smoke Clears. Don’t worry, I’ll live. Barely.

I need that album.

peace dudes,

- T

    The joy of being free. Alone in a whirlwind of atheism. The reigns of religion, and the religion of life, now dictated to me by only myself. My definition of free changes in time, and I’m ok with that - as long as my definition of me stays the same. And all I really know about me…is that I’m happy. Who needs a reason?

Good day, all.

- T